Wednesday, March 5, 2008

Listening, Sorting and Putting it down on Paper...

...Am I depriving my kids of "really knowing me"! I have mentioned before that I have a hard time putting things into thoughts, that is. I can verbalize anything else in the form of daily chit chat about my kids (simply, how they are doing), the house, the pets, the weather, my garden...whatever it may be that is a physical thing...about my spiritual/thought-like things...I cannot seem to verbalize or put down on paper (or blog) as easily. I have tons of things in my head and it just consumes me at times and I just cannot seem to get it all out. Do I need to?? Maybe I don't require it!

I have been fairly level-headed and functional (IMO and some others) in life---so far! I really never had a mentor in my life or any other role model in my life, that expressed things to me, talked much or that ever took the time to listen to anything more than quick, superficial chit chat! **I always felt "then" that I had plenty to say and express to many--and felt supressed and wonder often, if this is where I "learned" this internalization. I sometimes fear, that not being able to put things out there--whether words or written, that I will deprive my children of this important ( or seems important--to me or others?) outlet. I find that I don't really put out/down "internal" thoughts. I really want to be able to get better at this since I would like to put things down for my kids to read about me(intimate things) in future days. Is this making any sense, hmmmm...still hard even now to put these things down and make any sense of it!


I "do", "act on" and "unspeak" most of the things that I have in my mind--I am active with my children daily, in lots of areas--we talk almost our entire waking hours(when together and apart) and sometimes I think we communicate while we sleep (with some of our sharing of dreams the next day..he he). I know we are connected very closely in lots of I feel many of my unspoken thoughts and feelings are felt and known by them without verbalizing lots of them.. .they seem to understand my language and I theirs. Maybe they will "know my internalized thoughts" in the future and write them down their way, their interpretation. Maybe I don't need to interpret myself to them after all.. or do I?...I just feel I am unsure some days.

Gee, maybe a good discussion or activity to try/do with the kids... Expression, communication and more.

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